Gestational Diabetes

I am so tired of getting my dang finger pricked. At this time I do NOT have gestational diabetes. However, they are worried that the steroids I was on for the babies’ lungs will cause me to develop gestational diabetes. I am still on a completely normal diet. They prick my finger every morning before I eat to get my fasting blood sugar and then again 1 hour after each meal. So far my levels have either been with in normal range (the high end) or slightly above the normal range (mostly due to the steroid). Tomorrow I will drink the yummy sugary drink in the morning and will have another glucose test. Hopefully I pass so they can level me alone. If I do not pass they will consider me to have gestational diabetes and put me on a diabetic diet. Please no!

This is only going to get harder..

I knew I should have updated since the last post sooner, so much of what has happened to me is now a blur. The first week I was undergoing so many test and getting use to all the drugs they have me on I was totally out of it and did not feel well most days. I take 14 scheduled pills every day and Zofran and heartburn medication as needed. I take a muscle relaxer every 6 hours. This muscle relaxer is supposed to relax my uterus so I will not have any contractions. I am pretty much use to it now. But when I started taking it, it made me so loopy and gave me the worse migraines I have ever had. They were so bad that light could cause me to throw up and every sound lingered through every part of my body. I was given percocet to dull the pain and that would only ease the pain for about an hour at time. So I avoided taking it all together because it didn’t really make much of a difference and I worry about its effect on my babies. They say all these drugs are harmless to the babies but I have a hard time believing that. I have already decided that I have to put my trust in my doctors so even though it seems strange I take my 14 scheduled pills a day without much of a fight.

            On Wednesday by body started to get use to all the treatments I am on, the headaches diminished, and I started to feel like myself. Well this caused denial to set in. “Why I am here? I am fine, I am want to go home! I can be on bed rest at home!” I shed a lot of tears and tried my best to remind myself what the goal was and to think about all the positives to being here. It was and is hard to stay calm and not let emotions get the best of you. I am pregnant with two babies and being emotional for no reason is perfectly normal so add some pretty big reasons to be emotional to the equation and you can expect a hurricane.

            On Thursday I had a pretty good day. It started with meeting with my doctor and her approving me to take my compressive exam (for my graduate school master’s degree) while at the hospital. My doctor put in my chart that no one was allowed in my room from 1-4 so that I complete the exam in this time frame. This made me so happy. If I were not allow to take the exam while at the hospital I would have had to wait until summer to do so and my degree would have been held. In the summer I will have two babies and I have been preparing for this exam since February! So when my doctor approved me to take the exam and when the dean of the program agreed to come to the hospital to administer the exam I was so happy and thankful.  This was kind of funny to me because I spent the whole semester dreading this exam and then I was so excited to be able to take it.

           

Also on Thursday my doctors gave me wheelchair privileges so that Mike can take me around the hospital in a wheelchair, I am also allowed to go outside, and Mike is going to bring Lacey so I can see her.  Lacey is my 6 year old cocker spaniel. She is my baby. For the past six years anytime I have been sick in bed my Lacey Lou has been glued by my side nursing me back to health. Being stuck in this bed without her as made me really miss her and made me really sad. I also hate that I can’t explain to her what is going on. I do not want her to feel like I have abandoned her. If I am here for six more weeks (the plan) I will have been away from her for 8 weeks and then I will come home with two babies. I don’t want her to think I have abandoned and replaced her! Love between a dog an owner is a special bond and I want my puppy dog to know how important she is to me. I hope that seeing her helps her and doesn’t hurt her. I am so excited about seeing her but also worried it will confuse and hurt her more.

           

            As said in an early post, Thursday, Mike and I toured the NICU. While it was hard to see it helps us to be mentally prepared for what could be next for our babies. It is also motivation for me to keep these babies in the womb and be here in the hospital day after day. This helps remind me to be thankful when I have days that test my strength.

            Thursday afternoon I had another ultrasound. The babies had plenty of fluid and where both appropriately practicing breathing. Both my cervix (I am still not dilated) and babies were stable. They will recheck everything again on Tuesday. So basically I am in the hospital on bed rest because of a shorten cervix with “two residents” (the doctor said that!) inside.

            Friday flew by because I spent the whole day studying for my exam.

            Today Saturday morning/afternoon was good. I studied for and took my exam while I am not 100% confident about it, I did my best and am so glad it’s over. I am proud of myself for choosing fight over flight. I think I did much better than if I put it off until summer. After the exam was when emotions set it and I had a challenging evening. Normally when you have a big important test to take when it is over you get to walk out the exam room and feel relief. Like…Wooowho it’s over, now I am going to go celebrate! Instead, the test was over, the professor left and I was still in the bed where I took the test; with no feeling of relief or yay let’s celebrate. I wanted to feel celebratory but instead I was bed bound. My dinner came; I lifted the cover and revealed mystery meat, green peas and carrots. This is when I lost it. It looked so gross I busted into tears. Not the yay finished graduate school exam dinner I had in mind!  I have spent the next several hours crying and wanting to just go home. When Mike got here (he didn’t know what he was walking into) I begged him to take me home and then told him I was going to call a cab and go home myself. I was so serious I got dressed in regular clothes. But the truth is I am chicken shit and have been a rule follower my whole life. I am just starting to feel the denial and feel like I can do this is the comfort of my own home. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. Mike told me the devil is testing my will.

After crying so hard I started throwing up, I called the nurse in for Zofran. To my good fortunate it was my favorite nurse. She was able to comfort and calm me down. I decided I needed to blog so I started and now I feel better and am going to bed.

I have had a few weak days but many strong ones and I am sure this cycle of challenging days and easy thankful days will continue for hopefully the next 6 weeks or more. While this is the hardest thing I have ever done there are many more important and long days and weeks ahead and I can’t quit.

Good night all and thank you for all your prayers.

Xoxo,

Heather

28 weeks today! Day 10 HBR

Good Morning all,

Hello wanted to send a quick up date. But first want to say thank you for all the prayers, love, and support. It’s so uplifting to know that so many people care about our family. I feel an unexplainable strength and protection around me – this has made each day easier.

This is my 10th day on hospital bed rest and I am 28 weeks today which was the first goal and milestone!

This morning Mike and I took a tour of the NICU. While it was hard to see it helps us to be mentally prepared for what could be next for our babies. It is also motivation for me to keep these babies in the womb day after day.  While lying in bed all day can be boring and a little depressing I know that I would rather be the one laying here than have my poor little babies laying there without me (makes it so worth it).

Also this afternoon I will get another ultrasound to see how my cervix and the babies are doing!

Thank you again for your love, support, and prayers they are powerful and mean the world to Mike and I.

With all my love,
Heather

p.s. plan to update in more detail in the near future... just felt like I should do a quick update for now!

HBR UPDATE

Here is a quick update on what is (and has been) going on with me while here at the hospital on strict bed rest.

On Thursday I had an FFN which I failed, it was positive which means my body is preparing for labor and within two weeks by body will try to go into labor. Here is the tricky part… its 50% accurate since I am having twins. I was hoping for a negative result because that is 95% accurate. The doctor then did a vaginal exam to measure my cervix and within two days it had shorten again. This is another bad sign. On Tuesday my cervix was 1.95cm after two days of laying on my side my cervix shorten to 1.4cm. Still no dilation or contractions.  Can read more about ffn test here http://www.marchofdimes.com/pregnancy/pretermlabor_fetalfibronectin.html

On Friday… I had a horrible day. I had special ordered pancakes and at 7:55am was counting down the minutes until they arrived when the doctors came in the room to tell me that I was going to receive an IV of Magnesium Sulfate over a 6 hour period. I was not allowed to eat! 

I received Magnesium Sulfate for the babies’ brain development it is supposed to help protect them against brain damage such as cerebral palsy if they were born early. It is also supposed to help relax the uterus and stop or slow contractions. It can also be used to lower blood pressure and is commonly used to treat preeclampsia. I am currently not having any problems with my blood pressure so this is not why I received the magnesium. You can read more about it… http://www.webmd.com/baby/magnesium-sulfate-for-preterm-labor

The Magnesium IV was horrible. The nurses told me it was going to make me feel like I had the flu, it was way worse than when I had the flu in college. As soon as they started the IV I could feel it. I asked the nurses “am I feeling it already?!?” and they said yes. Every part of my body got hot and ached. The nurses turned the a/c in the room all the way down. I broke out in to sweats, I was pouring sweat, and the nurses had to give me an ice bath (with wash cloths) to cool me down. The magnesium made my body so weak I could barely move. I couldn’t walk so I couldn’t get up to go the bathroom. Also the nurses had to measure my pee to make sure what was going in was coming out. So I had to use a bed pan. I was so weak I could not hold my body up. The nurses had to hold me from the hips while I peed in to a pan. It was horrible, I had pee all over my back, my legs and a nurse had to hold me and clean me up. I felt so helpless. I felt the affects of the magnesium hours after the IV was stopped. I had a killer headache for a whole 24 hours afterwards. I am so glad that is over.

Friday night the doctors started me on muscle relaxers which I am now taking every six hours. So I am pretty drugged and out of it.

I discovered my first bed sore yesterday and both the nurse and doctor confirmed that is indeed what it is.

Yesterday and today have so far been low key, no doctors here to treat me and/or run a bunch of test on me. I guess all of that will resume tomorrow on Monday.

How am I holding up?

This is my 6^th day here… and I am starting to have a little denial about this whole situation. I spent a good hour telling Mike this morning that I didn’t need to be here because I am fine!

Trying my best to be strong and keep my spirits up. I really miss my puppy dog, Lacey, and wish I could explain to her what was going on. For the past six years every time I have been sick in bed she has been glued to my side nursing me back to health. I wish she could be here with me.

Suprise I am on hospital bed rest!

I thought it would be easy to keep up with my blog while at the hospital on strict hospital bed rest, but actually it has been hard to start this blog because I really don’t feel like I know what to say…also typing on your side with your computer on your side is not the most ideal. I am also sure most of this will be hard to follow because everything happened so scattered. But anyways I want to start with the very beginning before all the details start to leave me.

My spring break started on Friday April the 6^th. Mike and I had planned to go on a vacation get a away we were calling our “baby moon” for those of you who do not know what a baby moon is… it is like a honeymoon—the last get away before your baby arrives. We had planned to go to Daytona Florida for Thursday – Sunday.

I had two regular check-up doctors’ appointments scheduled for Tuesday one at 9:30 am with my regular doctor and one at 1pm for an ultrasound with my specialist. Even though we had already booked the hotel, I told Mike I am asking both the doctors and making sure it is okay with them before we leave, and  I said if the doctors say no then we are not going!

I didn’t think the doctors were going to say no because at my check-up two weeks prior everything was so perfect and I was praised for how well I was doing.

So anyways Mike and I left the house Tuesday morning to head to the doctor’s office. I had my glucose test at 9:30 so before leaving the house I had to chug that “yummy” sugary drink. The drink made me feel like I was going to vomit so I packed a big bag with a towel, barf bag, and I also include snacks and goodies. You have to fast before the test so I packed snacks for afterwards because I knew I would be hungry.

When we got the doctor’s office I had this huge bag of stuff packed with me and realized I had forgotten my wallet at home and said “gee hope I don’t need that for anything, never have needed it before…”

So we get into the doctor’s office and both my doctor and nurse complemented me on how great I look to be pregnant with twin. Then I did all the normal stuff pee in a cup, weigh in, then had my blood test done for the glucose and my doctor then say ok “I am going to check your cervix from now on to see how you are doing.” Normally my specialist does this with the ultrasound machine. This was the old fashion finger test. As soon as my doctor started the exam I could tell by her face that something wasn’t right. She said “you are completely effaced and baby A’s head is really low!” She then asked me if I had felt any contractions. Which I replied, no.  She then explained that I am mostly likely having contractions and are unaware of it. She hooked me up to a machine to monitor the babies’ heartbeats and my uterus for contractions. I was on the machine for an hour. The machine was showing that I was having real contractions even though I did not feel anything.

My doctor then sent me to Labor and Delivery since I was having real contractions. The thought of being in Labor and Delivery scares me more now than it did at the actual time. While in Labor and Delivery they continued to monitor the babies’ heartbeats and my contractions. A nurse came to get me and said “are you ready to go?” and I said “where home?” she said “no you’re not going home you’re going to get an ultrasound and get your cervix measured.” So they took me upstairs to another wing of the hospital and I had an ultrasound and my cervix was measured. Two weeks ago when I was praised for doing so well my cervix measured 3.5cm which is good… anything above 2.5cm is good, 2.5cm is normal. My cervix measured 1.95cm, a huge change in a two week window.  My cervix was still closed, so I showed no dilation.

I was then sent back to Labor and Delivery where they continued to monitor the babies’ heartbeats and my contractions. While in labor and delivery I had no contractions and the babies’ heartbeats where good. I was told my doctors were coming up with a plan for the rest of my pregnancy and I would get an update shortly. (I spend a lot of time waiting for updates and they are few and far in between).

When I was told the plan it was very vague because there are so many what ifs. I was told I could possibly leave on Monday. I was told I would spend Wednesday resting and Thursday they would re-measure my cervix and do an FFN test. You can read more about this test here http://www.marchofdimes.com/pregnancy/pretermlabor_fetalfibronectin.html. Depending on Thursday’s results they would reevaluate and tell me more on Monday when they could reevaluate again. They also told me there was a good chance I could be at the hospital until I deliver.  I was also told I would receive steroid shots to help my babies’ lungs mature and I would receive baby heart and contraction monitoring twice a day. I must lay on flat on my left side, but can get up to go the bathroom, I am also allowed to shower every other day.

So to sum it up…

I'm on strict hospital bed rest with bathroom privileges I can shower every other day, but must be lying on my side at all other times. They want to keep me until I deliver. I'm receiving steroid shots in my butt (ouch) every 24 hours to help the babies lungs mature in the event I deliver early. I'm no longer having contractions and the ones I were having were not strong enough to cause me to dilate. I had a stress test this morning and the babies had strong heart beats and are happy!

How are we doing?

For me I am calm because that's what the babies need from me, I am placing my trust in my doctors and my faith in god, I  have a strong sense that everything will be okay. I'm where I need to be right now and that in itself is a huge blessing.

Mike had a hard time Tuesday, he is better today (wed), everything really caught him by surprise... for me I read so much about it I knew there was a possibility of all this. It was just a little crazy how two weeks ago the doctor was talking about how amazing I was doing and spoke of the possibly of inducing me at the end of June.. And here I am just two weeks later... That's what made it hard.  How fast things can change!

That was hard to write... I will work on everything that happened today tomorrow. The update isnt much different..

hospital bed rest at 26 weeks 5 days

I will post in more detail tomorrow... since I should have the free time!

Today I went in for a normal scheduled prenatal checkup.  When my doctor checked my cervix she discovered that it had shortened since my last visit two weeks earlier, that I was completely enfaced, that baby A’s head is very low, and that I was starting to have REAL contractions.  I was then sent to Labor and Delivery where they continued to monitor my contractions and where they started to come up with a “Plan” for the rest of my pregnancy.  As it stands right now, I am officially on “Strict Hospital Bed Rest”, allowing me only to get up to use the restroom.  I will most likely have to stay on “Strict Hospital Bed Rest” until I deliver.  I am currently receiving steroid shots every 24 hours to help my babies’ lungs mature in the event that I deliver early.  While I am pregnant with twins and understood the risks were high, I am only 26 weeks along, the estimated due date was July 12, 2012, so this has caught me by total surprise.  At my last doctor visit two weeks ago she told me I would probably have to be induced... crazy how fast everything can change!

Pregnancy Must Haves!

This is my list of pregnancy must haves (to date)… all of the below items have helped relieve pain and ease my pregnancy so far.

1.      Hot Water Bottle Heater – literally my best friend during my 1^st trimester. I used it daily. It is great for headaches and body aches. Still use it now for body aches. It’s great to lay it against my back when I have pain, since being flat on my back is now not as possible. $7.99 at Drugstore.com (cheapest online price I found).

http://www.drugstore.com/goodhealth-faultless-premium-water-bottle-2-quart-capacity/qxp72139?catid=59986&fromsrch=hot%20water%20bottle%20heater

2.      Heating Pad – great for back ache and hip aches. But it is best when you can actually lay on top it… and now that I am further a long along I cannot lay on my back long enough for it to do my back any good. It is still great to place under your hips! The first trimester of pregnancy I had the heating pad on my back and the hot water bottle heater on my head. This one is $12.99 at Drugstore.com (cheapest online price I found). I have had mine for a while so I have no idea how much it cost or which brand I have.

http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=309313&catid=59986&aid=338666&aparam=309313

3.      Maternity Support Belt/Back Brace - Life saver! My doctor told me to get this when I started complaining about back aches. I was a little hesitant about it at first because I thought it was too expensive and I thought it looked too goofy which made me think I’ll never wear this. After continuing to struggle with back pain I broke down and bought it.  I so do not care that it looks goofy because it is a miracle worker! At first I tried to wear it under my clothes so it was not exposed and that just doesn’t work as well. It works best on top of your clothes so you can easily adjust it. Also if you try to wear it under your clothes it irritates your skin. Trust me, it is a pricey purchase but you will not regret it! $40 at Motherhood Maternity they have different types and will let you try them on in the store. You may be able to find it cheaper somewhere online… or you may like one of the cheaper designs/brands Motherhood sales. This is apparently the “best” one and the one that felt the best to me when I tried it on. I still get back pain from time to time, usually it is because I have done too much in one day… like when I am out of the house for 12 hours in a day, but this back brace has helped reduce the pain so much.

 This is the one I have:

http://www.motherhood.com/Product.asp?Product_Id=922000113&MasterCategory_Id=MC32

4.      Body pillow – Uh yes it helps me sleep through the night. I call my body pillow my boyfriend because I snuggle with it all night. They make a lot of maternity body pillows, but I just use a regular body pillow that I got for $10 from Target.

http://www.target.com/p/RMESL-Body-Pillow/-/A-13614316

  

5.   Wedge Pillow – my newest purchases, it’s awesome I got it to help support my belly while sleeping but have been rotating it between under my belly and between my legs. When the pillow is between your legs it helps relieve some of the pressure normally placed on your hips! It’s $12.99 at Babies R Us.

                                                                 

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=11108188

If you do not have a Babies R Us near you (Toys R Us may carry them)... you can get one from Amazon for $10 plus shipping.. Free shipping if you spend $25 which is most likely cheaper than Babies R Us shipping charges.

http://www.amazon.com/DEX-Products-Pregnancy-Pillow-PP-01/dp/B000056JC1/ref=sr_1_1?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1333636649&sr=1-1

6.  Pregnancy lotions and oils – to relive itching skin and discomfort due to stretching, and maybe just maybe reduce/prevent stretch marks. Also lotions to increase circulation to the legs!

   
  More here…

http://www.mcmunnbabies.blogspot.com/2012/02/skin-care-products-during-pregnancy.html

What would you add to this list?

For the products I mentioned that are available at http://www.drugstore.com/.  This is one of my new favorite places… they offer free 2 day shipping with all $25 purchases, you do not have to pay tax, most items are priced 50 cents to a dollar cheaper than at Target, you get rewards points to save you money on future purchases, and with your first order you automatically save $5 bucks on a $30 purchase, $10 on a 50 purchase!

Hope this helps someone out there!

XoXo,
Heather

Book Recommendation: When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads

If you are expecting twins or more, this book is a must read.

I was crying after the first page because I could instantly connect to the opening story and immediately felt so blessed and privileged to be expecting twins.

 I just finished it and really enjoyed it. Both my doctors recommended it to me. There are a million books out there on caring for twins once they arrive but little on the actual pregnancy. I like this book because it is about the pregnancy and is written by a doctor. The book really helps you to understand how different your pregnancy is from a singleton pregnancy. The book helps you to understand what you can to do prevent your babies from coming too early and how to get your babies to a big healthy take home from the hospital with you birth weight. Both of these things are a constant worry to mothers expecting multiples.

I didn’t start reading it until I was about 18 weeks pregnant and I really wish I would have started it the very beginning of my pregnancy. ( I mean at 8 weeks when I found out I was having twins!)

Dr. Barbra Luke the author also has a website: http://www.drbarbaraluke.com/ that offers nutrition and health information, vitamin and mineral supplements information, has maternity wear for parents of multiples for sale, and has information on how your “babies” grow week by week (this is cool because most week to week development information is only for how one baby grows week to week).

Below is a write up about the book.

Effective, encouraging, and up-to-date, When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads is essential for you and your babies.

Like all mothers-to-be, you're experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions: joy, fear, confusion, and excitement—maybe all at once. As a woman pregnant with more than one baby, you're feeling all these things . . . only more so!

In When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads, Dr. Barbara Luke, an acknowledged expert on the prenatal care of multiples, outlines a practical, nutrition-based program to keep you and your babies healthy, and she offers a comprehensive tour of what you can expect during your unique pregnancy and childbirth experience. Women who follow this program have significantly fewer complications during pregnancy—and their babies are born weighing 20 to 35 percent more than the average twin, triplet, or quad. Included is crucial information on:

·         Finding a qualified maternal/fetal medicine specialist

·         Dietary guidelines for maximizing birthweight

·         Safe limits on exercise, physical activity, and work

·         Taking a leave from your job and negotiating the best deal

·         Reducing your risk for pregnancy complications

·         Recognizing the signs of preterm labor and what to do about them

·         What to expect during and after delivery

·         Feeding and caring for your newborns . . . and yourself

·         Getting back into shape after delivery

I ordered my copy from Amazon for the $6 savings (it cost $13.59), buddle it with a package of baby wipes or diapers and get free shipping. It's Free Shipping when you spend $25. Or if you have a Kindle you know what to do!

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0061803073?tag=drbarlukcon-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=0061803073&adid=035JWR2SH8BWB43Z88W1&&ref-refURL=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.drbarbaraluke.com%2FBooks%2FExpecting.aspx

Enjoy!

XoXo,
Heather

I am a prisoner in my own body!

So on Sunday I was a little bit of a psycho path. I was just really emotional and I couldn’t really help it. I went downstairs and cried on Mike’s shoulder… he was at a complete loss. When he asked me what was wrong I responded by saying “I am prisoner in my body!”  I really do feel like that a lot. There are so many things going on and really do not have control over any of them… this well… really makes me feel like a prisoner in my own body.  

            Mike asked, “What can I do to help?” I said, “I want a green tea and my mommy!” So Mike made me a cup of green tea and drove to my mom’s house picked her up and brought her to me! It sounds so funny for me to write this now. But that’s all I wanted was tea and my mommy. And once mommy was at my house I started to feel better. She helped me wash, fold, and organize baby clothes into their dresser. She also helped me vacuum and clean up. Yes Mike could have helped me with any of these things… but I wanted my mommy, when she came over that’s when I got the motivation to get off the couch and do something!

            I was kind of in a weird emotional mood all weekend but Sunday is when it hit the fan. I was feeling that way Friday. I called Mike on my way home from work… and well I was being a pill. I was whining and complaining about being tried and my back hurting. And Mike said, “Well I am going to take you on a date, come home take a nap, and how does P.F Changs sound?” I said “goooood.” So I can home napped from 4:30 to almost 8 and we then went to dinner at 8:30. I straightened my hair and quickly put some make-up on (I can count the times I have worn make-up during my pregnancy!). And it was such a lovely night with my husband!

I love my hubby and my mommy, so blessed with both of them, and so lucky that they have been able to put up with me during this challenging time in my life! I love you!

Here is a picture of me on the way to our hot date. 25 weeks pregnant with twins!

Pregnancy Blues

Today I am feeling a little depressed. Everything is upsetting me and I don’t feel like doing anything even though I really want to go do something. For all you who enjoy being pregnant … good for you…

Today I am tired of not feeling like myself. I am not ready for my pregnancy to be over, because I do want to make it 11-13 more weeks when my babies are good and ready to be born. Right now that seems like FOREVER…. I have too much to do between now and then. I wish I could fast forward to that time… I wish I could fast forward past my 10 page research paper that is due at the end of April. I wish I could fast forward past my 4 hour comprehensive exam that I have to take and pass in order to graduate from grad school. I wish I could fast forward past studying for this exam. I wish I could fast forward past my masters’ graduation ceremony that is mandatory to attended because that sounds like a pure 4 hours of uncomfortable hell. I wish I could find the motivation to focus on finishing grad school. My plate is so full I am worried about my ability to actually finish it all.

I wish I could fast forward past trying to plan and organize everything for the babies’ arrival. I wish I could fast forward past the wait and see game of bed rest… and trying to teach everything on speed mode and come up with lesson plans for a substitute to finish out the school year (just in case I am not there).

So yes today I am moody. We went to the grocery store and everyone’s perfume was making sick, I was fighting barfing the whole time we were there and because of this only got half the things I needed. Also while there my feet swelled and turned purple… blah.

I am also tired of EVERYONE staring at me everywhere I go. YES I AM PREGNANT!

I am tired of feeling like I can’t buy anything for myself because I am budgeting and saving for the babies. Which I know this isn’t going to go away!

I was so proud of Mike last week when he called and canceled his beloved DirectTv and switched to the Verizon buddle which is savings us a $150 a month. He canceled after one of our many talks about saving and budgeting money for the twins. And then today he takes a bunch of old video games back to Game Stop. I am thinking yay cash for food, gas, baby stuff. But no he comes out with $70 worth of video games instead of the $56 cash he could have got. He said well they take 20% if you get cash so I just got more video games.

Ok so this caused me to flip out! ARE you F-ing Kidding ME?!?! Two steps forward and 20 steps back! When the hell does he think he is going to have time for video games? I am about to post that damn X-box on craigslist.

Blah… torn between being a raging bitch or having a cry session.