C-section

I wrote many blog posts about NOT wanting a c-section. But when came down to it, it wasn't about me or what I "wanted" at all.

May 25th 2012.. my babies are born!

12 days ago I was pregnant… then in what seemed like a second I wasn’t. 12 days ago my water broke, 12 days ago my twins were born by emergency c-section. I am not sure I am really ready to write about what happened that day, but here it goes anyways.

            Thursday May 24^th, 2012, marked 33 weeks. I just went to the doctor for a check-up on Tuesday and was surprised by the thumbs up I got from the doctor. I already wrote a post about everything that happened at this appointment. But to sum it up, the doctor scheduled me for appointments until about June 19^th I believe. (don’t really remember now) She also told me the new plan was 38 weeks at which I laughed. See Tuesday’s appointment surprised me because my pregnancy had all of a sudden gotten so intense. (of course I said this many times during the 33 weeks) But baby A’s head was so low and pressure was so intense I could barely walk… and I thought and talked about to my mom and husband many times about how I truly thought it could be any day now… I even said I don’t think I will make it to June 6^th (today, actually, and the day I proclaimed their birthday).

            Thursday May 24^th, 2012, 33 weeks! One week pass my doctor’s goal of 32 weeks for me. I decided it was time for a picture. I was measuring 50 inches around and 48 inches from the top to the bottom of my bump. I posted the picture online and sent it out in a text message that said “don’t think I can get any bigger…”

            4 hours later May 25^th, 2012 around 1:30am my water broke. 33 weeks and 1 day my water broke. I was lying in bed and my hip starting to throb so I decided it was time to rotate to the other side. Rotating from hip to hip many times during the night was a very common part of my pregnancy sleep. So as I flipped over to the other hip, my water broke or I peed on myself.  My mom was spending the night, she was helping to care for me since I was on bed rest. I screamed “MAMA!” as she came running into the room I said “I think my water broke!” as we both tried to figure it out. My mom convinced me I had just peed on myself.

            I knew I didn’t have to  pee, but it didn’t seem like it was enough fluid for my water. I googled  and googled. Many things said go back to sleep and if you wake up in more water then you know your water broke. I went to sleep for maybe a hour or two. I never had more water. I had a doctor’s appointment at 10am. So I kept telling myself I will be okay until the doctor’s appointment.

            At 5am, I told Mike he needed to take me to hospital. He again told me I was fine. At 6 am I finally called the doctors’ office they told me to come in. I woke Mike up and told him, “I really think my water broke and the doctor told me to come in, now get up!”

            I ran around the house grabbed a few things, like my camera that I had charged the night before (weird), and we were out the door.  As we drove to the hospital I thought I have been to Labor and Delivery so many times and nothing has ever happened. Then I thought this is the first time I have sent myself to Labor and Delivery and I knew what was going to happen. I don’t remember anything else about the car ride.

           

            7am we arrive to the hospital and to the L and D floor. We call back and wait in the waiting room for 15 minutes. At 7:20 we are in L & D room 3, I looked around the room, and for the first time the L&D room looked like a L&D room. (I was in a L&D room 5 or 6 times when on bed rest). I told the doctor, a partner of my doctor, since my doctor was on vacation what happened or what I thought happened. She said, “Ok here’s a gown, go get changed, and I will do a test to see if your water broke and to see if you are dilated.”  As soon as I was changed she did the test, she used a little strip, it turned blue, and it meant my water had broken. She checked my cervix and I was dilated to 4cm.

 Then she said, “It looks like today is a good day to have babies!”

            I had reached the point that I was told so much about during my 6 weeks 3 days of bed rest. “When you hit 4cm or your water breaks there is nothing we can do to stop them from coming.” I also knew with me only being 33 weeks and Noah still breeched that a c section was my only opinion. I was told about a week earlier that if the twins were to come before 35 weeks my best opinion would be a c section. A c section would reduce the stress put on the babies and the NICU teams could be there ready to go in case any problems happened.

            I have written many times in my blog about how I DID NOT WANT A C SECTION! But after all my time on bed rest I realize nothing was about what I wanted and everything was about what was best for my babies. I knew no matter what… I would do what was best for them.

            7:25 am we find out we are having our babies today. Enter panic mode. Mike really freaked out. Of course I had a freak out but was more prepared than him, especially since I knew my water had actually broke! We started calling friends and family.

            7:30 am nurse is running around the room in a rush. I asked, “is everything alright?” Nurse, “We don’t have a lot of time, you are going to go in right after the 8am c-section and I have to get this and this done!” Holy crap I am going to have the twins that quick…. We start re-calling family. 

            10:00ish am I am being rolled back to have a c-section. I walk in to a cold operating room and sit on a cold metal table. Mike is not allowed inside with me during this time. I have to get my spinal tap. I am so scared. I sit on the edge of the table and am told to hug a pillow that is basically in the chest of a nurse who is holding me up. With my face in this pillow all I can do is concentrate on the sounds… machines whistling and beeping and scaring the crap out of me. The spinal tab is over, I was distracted by all the sounds that I didn’t even really feel it go in. Strangers help sit me up and lay me on the bed. My body is going numb, there are bright lights in my face, and the room is full of around 20 people all strangers to me (two full NICU Teams, one for each baby, plus all the “normal” people), I started to freak out. “WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?!?” Then Mike is by my side. Then I start to freak out that I cannot wiggle my toes. Of course this is a good thing but it is a very weird feeling. Then I start to freak out that I cannot breathe. I am numb from the shoulders down. I am now crying very heavily but it does not feel like it because I cannot feel my chest. I am freaking out.

The nurse by my side says, “Heather you are fine. You have to stop. You have to calm down. You are going to hyperventilate. The babies need oxygen. The babies need you to be calm and breathe.” Click goes my brain. My babies need me. I calmed down immediately.

           

I closed my eyes tight and start signing in my head. James Taylor “Carolina in My Mind.” “In my mind I am going to Carolina, cant you see the sunshine, cant you just feel the moonshine…I'm going to Carolina in my mind” Why this song came to mind I had no idea!

            Then I hear “baby A is here!” I scream “Why isn’t she crying?” Mike is taking pictures and telling me how beautiful she is. As the nurse tells me she is fine.

            Then I hear a crying and “baby B is here!” Noah had a loud cry. Mike is taking pictures of Noah.

            Mike comes and shows me the pictures. I am feeling really sick. I am about to throw up. A nurse comes up to show me Presley. I had just seen her picture. But in real life she looked so tiny. It made me feel even sicker. The nurse by my side ran to give me a shot via IV that would make my nausea go away.  In this time the babies were rushed out of the room for evaluation. Because I was nausea I did not get to see Noah.

            Somewhere in between all this the doctor said “All done!” The nurse told me. “Good Job!” And I said, “but I didn’t do anything!”

            I am trying now in writing this to not be too dramatic. But this was a horrible experience. This was not how I wanted to meet my babies. This was not how I had pictured my children coming into the world. This is not what I wanted. I wanted to hold my freaking babies! I am tearing up now thinking about it. I am only 12 days postpartum. Probably a little too soon to write this.

            They rolled me back in to L&D room 3. My stomach was no longer huge, it was gone, and there were no babies in sight. My mom rushed in and cried in her arms.

            The whole c-section seemed to over in a blink of an eye. Everything after that seemed to take forever! I knew nothing about the babies. I didn’t know how they were doing. I didn’t know how much they weighed. I knew nothing.

It was horrible.

            I eventually got to be wheeled in, in my bed, to see my babies in the NICU. I saw the babies with a thousand cables and wires hooked up to their little bodies. They were so beautiful. I felt so bad and so guilty that they were there doing all this by themselves. I told them I was sorry over and over again. And I thanked them over and over again for being strong for me.

           

            Presley was born at 10:46 am she weighed 4lbs and 5 ounces and was 16 inches long. Noah was born at 10:47 am he weight 4lbs and 8 ounces and was 17 ¾ inches long.

12 days babies have been on this earth. They are mamas little super troopers and are making me so proud every day. I cannot wait for them to be home with me.