Pregnancy Blues

Today I am feeling a little depressed. Everything is upsetting me and I don’t feel like doing anything even though I really want to go do something. For all you who enjoy being pregnant … good for you…

Today I am tired of not feeling like myself. I am not ready for my pregnancy to be over, because I do want to make it 11-13 more weeks when my babies are good and ready to be born. Right now that seems like FOREVER…. I have too much to do between now and then. I wish I could fast forward to that time… I wish I could fast forward past my 10 page research paper that is due at the end of April. I wish I could fast forward past my 4 hour comprehensive exam that I have to take and pass in order to graduate from grad school. I wish I could fast forward past studying for this exam. I wish I could fast forward past my masters’ graduation ceremony that is mandatory to attended because that sounds like a pure 4 hours of uncomfortable hell. I wish I could find the motivation to focus on finishing grad school. My plate is so full I am worried about my ability to actually finish it all.

I wish I could fast forward past trying to plan and organize everything for the babies’ arrival. I wish I could fast forward past the wait and see game of bed rest… and trying to teach everything on speed mode and come up with lesson plans for a substitute to finish out the school year (just in case I am not there).

So yes today I am moody. We went to the grocery store and everyone’s perfume was making sick, I was fighting barfing the whole time we were there and because of this only got half the things I needed. Also while there my feet swelled and turned purple… blah.

I am also tired of EVERYONE staring at me everywhere I go. YES I AM PREGNANT!

I am tired of feeling like I can’t buy anything for myself because I am budgeting and saving for the babies. Which I know this isn’t going to go away!

I was so proud of Mike last week when he called and canceled his beloved DirectTv and switched to the Verizon buddle which is savings us a $150 a month. He canceled after one of our many talks about saving and budgeting money for the twins. And then today he takes a bunch of old video games back to Game Stop. I am thinking yay cash for food, gas, baby stuff. But no he comes out with $70 worth of video games instead of the $56 cash he could have got. He said well they take 20% if you get cash so I just got more video games.

Ok so this caused me to flip out! ARE you F-ing Kidding ME?!?! Two steps forward and 20 steps back! When the hell does he think he is going to have time for video games? I am about to post that damn X-box on craigslist.

Blah… torn between being a raging bitch or having a cry session.